THE BERMUDA RAINBOW
by Slainteru
Summary: it's kinda like the amazing race, cept everyone's homosexual. Purposeful oneshot. Done for giggles and kicks, definitely not serious.


**THE BERMUDA RAINBOW**

It was a dark and stormy night…except not really. For one thing, it was day. Also, it was May, and the sun was shining down on the crowded city of New York. In Central Park, eight people were at the starting line for a race that would change their lives.

A petite blonde and a slightly taller, busty brunette were chatting with two tall men with long black coats and short, over-gelled hair. Two more women approached, both wearing very revealing outfits, showing a lot of leg and quite a bit of cleavage. One had long raven hair, and stood above the other woman by at least a head. The shorter woman had short whitish blonde hair. They seemed a little lost and confused, and a bit intimidated. Quite a strange sight to see of Xena and Gabrielle, Warrior Lesbians.

"Hey Faith, who do you think those two are?" the petite blonde asked her busty brown-haired partner. She only received a shrug.

"I dunno Buffy. They look like they came off the set of Xena."

The couple considered the others for a moment.

"HOLY SHITSICLES!!!" they yelled in unison.

In the meantime, a cab stopped in front of the entrance to the park. Two men emerged, already bickering. The taller, dark-haired one paid the cabbie, while his blond companion was already walking towards the starting line.

"Get back here!" Bond yelled. Trevelyan's only response was to raise the one-fingered salute and keep on walking.

"Bitch," Bond muttered, and followed.

"Xena, I'm not sure about this. For one thing, there's so much noise and those metal things going everywhere scare me…" Gabrielle whispered in her soul-mates ear.

"Don't worry my love, I'm here and you have your sais. Also, we have the crystal that can get us back if we don't like this place." Xena placed a soft kiss on Gabrielle's forehead and pulled her close. The blonde gave a small smile and snuggled closer to the tall raven haired warrior.

"Hey, look, lesbians," said Bond.

That earned him a lethally defensive death glare from Buffy, Faith, Gabrielle and Xena.

"They're not interested in you. They're _lesbians_." Trevelyan smirked. He got a smack on the arm.

"Hey, what about us? We're drop dead sexy, and we're here…what's your problem?" one of the men in long black jackets yelled, and his tall, dark-haired partner tried to shush him.

"You're not a lesbian Spike, you have a…you know…" Buffy blushed, sputtering.

"A cock?"

"Yes. Thank you Faith dear." The brunette smirked and leaned in for a very passionate and steamy lesbian kiss.

"DAAAAMN!!! THAT'S HOTT!!!" Bond drooled.

Trevelyan rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"Asexual freak." Trevelyan gasped in shock, with a very dramatically insulted look on his face.

Trevelyans thoughts: _Oh no you didn't BITCH!!!_

"Hello! I'm Troy McClure, you may remember me from such reality shows as _The Complicated Life, Running From Tigers, The Complicated Life II _and_ Try To Out-Gay the Latin Teacher!_" The brown-haired, fake-tanned actor came onto the scene, smiling like an idiot. The eight people turned around, with a WTF kind of look on their faces, a single thought running through their head: _What the flying dildos is that guy doing here?!_

"I know this may seem odd, especially for Xena and Gabrielle-"

"I knew it!" Buffy and Faith muttered. McClure shot the two a glare. They cracked their knuckles. Troy gulped and continued.

"-But this is the ultimate race and you have each been selected for your unique abilities."

"Like his ability to BETRAY PEOPLE at the drop of a hat?" Bond asked.

"Bitch, die."

"The goal of this show is for you all to get to Bermuda in two weeks. No airplanes, just on foot or in a car." At this point, Trevelyan cut in.

"Can we ditch any vehicles, 'cause every time this guy gets in a car, plane, tank, train, whatever, it fucking explodes."

Everyone else except Bond nodded. The agent looked around wildly.

"what? It's not like I can help it! It's my personality, ladies…" he winked, and the four lesbians turned green and started gagging.

"Oh nice going, make the lesbians throw up. Good job! And you know, bitch, you could've run over Vesper, but no. I mean, that hobag betrayed you but nooo, you have to blow up a perfectly nice car. Do you know how much those cars cost? No I bet you don't." Trevelyan paused, and added a "Bitch" as an afterthought.

"Wow, now THERE'S sexual tension you could cut with a knife…" Spike whispered. The tall, dark and handsome man who stood behind him cracked a smile, but said nothing. Bond, now feeling that his machismo was at serious risk, sneered and turned towards the two leather-clad men.

"Oh, so does Captain Peroxide do all of your talking for you, Mister Walking-Revlon-Ad?"

Cue the awkward silence. Troy, who had remained silent, lifted a gun into the air.

"On your marks, get set…"

Xena and Gabrielle tensed, ready to sprint. Buffy and Faith copied them, while Spike, Bond, Trevelyan and the darkly handsome man (who, if y'allz haven't figured it out, is Angel) stood arguing and exchanging insults.

The gun sounded.

The Race was on.

_**(A/N: I am not involved. Sincerely, Writer X, a.k.a. Wex)  
**_**A/N: Wex has some threats on their life from various people who live in their brain. It's quite amusing- I mean, terrible…of course…  
****This is a parody, as you all might have figured. Special guests featured, and that are not mine or Wex's are as followed: Buffy, Faith, Spike, Angel (from BTVS, credit to Joss Whedon). Also, Xena and Gabrielle from XWP (credit to…we'll get back to this…credits suck monkey bananas). Bond and Trevelyan belong MGM and Eon Productions. Finally, Troy McClure belongs to Matt Groenig (lucky poos).  
****Oh, and the pairs in the race are as follows: Faith/Buffy, Angel/Spike, Xena/Gabrielle and Bond/Trevelyan.  
**

_**Wex: they're all gay. Get over it.  
**_**As long as Wex has an alias…I think that I should have one too! Muahaha..**

_**Wex: oh no you don't! alias is MY gimmick!  
**_**Gimmick? I make a gay Latin teacher face at you puts finger on bottom lip and pulls lip down, has mouth wide open and blinks repeatedly**

_**Wex: plays with hair and grabs hand. Then lets out an ear splitting squeal aaAAiiIIeeEE!!  
**_**Aah 3rd Period…what wonderful times. With any luck, the dynamic duo shall be placed in the same period next year!!! With Rat, of course!!!**


End file.
